my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
