its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
