my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
