At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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