Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
