What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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