ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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