Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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