she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
