I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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