It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
