i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You dont lie about slip and slides
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
