i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
