We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
