Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
