you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
