dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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