Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
