I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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