I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
