dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
