By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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