Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
