I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
