I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
