the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You can't motorboat a personality
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
