Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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