i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
