I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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