I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
