i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
