I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
