I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
