Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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