I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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