McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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