Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
