If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I smell like Dick and happiness
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
