I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
