Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
