I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
