I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
