a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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