You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
