Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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