'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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