So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My legs feel like baby dolphins
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
