Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Im part way to drunk.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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