i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
