I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
