Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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