I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
