i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
